Posts Tagged ‘meanwhile, back in las vegas’

Almost Born in a Studebaker

I was almost born in a Studebaker / I was almost born in a Studebaker

Santa Ana to Oceanside / foggy night, heck of a ride

I was almost born in a Studebaker

Ma’s big brother is behind the wheel / Dad’s overseas at the war, bad deal

Ma’s big brother is my Uncle Russell / Ma says “hustle, Russell hustle!

I can’t have G.A. in a Studebaker”

there’s the hospital / right over there

we make it there / five minutes to spare

Uncle Russell looks around the waiting room

then he sits down in a chair

starts talking to a guy who’s smoking

“how;s it going there, buddy?”

I was almost  born in a Studebaker / I was almost born in a Studebaker

Dad’s a sarge, Marine Corps / he gets home safe from the war

we all ride around in the Studebaker

we all ride around in the Studebaker

 

copyright G.A. Miller

photo by Dorothy Miller

http://oldcarandtruckpictures.com/Studebaker/TheEnd.html

 

Chow Time

saber tooth eats a caveman / caveman eats a saber tooth

no silverware, no napkins / no ketchup, how uncouth

chow time here on planet earth / you want a table or a booth?

Noah barbecues burgers / on the poop-deck of his ark

seems there was this extra cow / he didn’t wanna throw to the sharks

two pit-bulls are jumping around / bark bark bark bark bark

rats dodge New York traffic / to go nibble on King Kong

who the hell brought that monkey to town? / they shoulda known things would go wrong

all the brave young pilots / who shot King off the Empire State

gather at a diner down by the airport / and order some special blue plates

from the waitress Kate

little fish, big fish, bigger fish / here comes a killer whale

meanwhile, in that French restaurant / people are munching snails

old Dick Cheney’s out in the woods / trying to shoot a quail

look out

now your dung-beetle, there’s a little creature / who really got a bad deal

one can only imagine / the injustice he must feel

the other day I read a short story / while chugging some Parrot Bay

this guy had to eat off his own arms and legs / he was a Stephen King castaway

I cancelled my cruise today

we have a cat who’s a vegan / she only eats cat-nip

she listens to Charlie Parker / that cat’s pretty hip

I like to sit with my popcorn / and watch her do back-flips

in some less-fortunate countries / some people will eat cats

my cat’s always so loaded / she ain’t too worried about that

meanwhile back in New York City / a wino kicks a rat

 

copyright G.A. Miller

 

Fabulous Las Vegas Bridge

fabulous Las Vegas bridge / I stand in the heat and I sing

yonder’s the Statue of Liberty / such a pretty little thing

you’re right, she’s not all that little / as she winks at the Eiffel Tower

I have enough money for Gallo / only been out here about an hour

fabulous Las Vegas bridge / a woman with legs as long

as my shot at winning her / walks right by my song

people pose with Frankenstein / for zany photographs

photos for their Facebooks / all their friends will laugh

fabulous Las Vegas bridge / yonder’s the MGM

Jimmy Buffett always plays there / the last time I saw Jim

was way back in ’99 / I got into a fight

with some rowdy Parrotheads / it was quite a night

got my butt kicked

fabulous Las Vegas bridge / I made this cardboard sign

that says I need money for beer / even though I always drink wine

listen to that ambulance / they go by every few minutes

one just drove right under me / I’m glad that I’m not in it

copyright G.A. Miller

Burfurd

Burfurd flies around the country / to the talk radio stations

paying them to badmouth / corporate regulations

Burfurd built a new stadium / charged it to tax-payers

he bought another governor / and a dozen more mayors

Burfurd keeps having dreams of tall guillotines

he gets out of bed at three A.M.

and kicks the poodle Darlene

freaking rags to riches / are the words on his bumper-sticker

truth be known he bumped his parents off / to get their money quicker

his wife Babs drinks a lot / because she likes to dance

Burfurd really hates to dance / and he won’t take her to France

Burfurd keeps having dreams of tall guillotines

Babs says “get a shrink boy,

he’ll tell you what it means”

high noon at the mansion / on a hot summer hill

Babs pours another Bourbon / to take away the chill

she finds Burfurd with the maid / poolside guest-house bed

she grabs the gardener’s weed-whacker / off with hubby’s head

Burfurd no longer dreams of tall guillotines

his head is in the basket

with Louie’s and the Queen’s

copyright G.A. Miller

Chinese Tanks

once a Chinese peasant / tired of eating dung

wrote a little protest song / about Mao Tse Tung

Mao caught that peasant / on some river bank

swim for it Hop Sing / that’s a Chinese tank

Chinese tank

me, I lost my job / it’s over in Shanghai

now I’m sitting on my sofa / I’m an unemployed guy

sitting on my sofa / I’m not watching the Yanks

I’m looking out my window / at a Chinese tank

a Chinese tank

I also lost my woman / so times are extra tough

she’s really into Chinese food / I said “I ain’t eating that stuff

don’t want to use no chopsticks / sweet and sour chicken, no thanks”

now I’m alone with my guitar / protesting tanks

Chinese tanks

Mr. President / no more treaties please

every time we sign a treaty / things get more Chinese

looking out my window / there’s my old dog ‘Hank’

bravely walking over / and peeing on that tank

on that Chinese tank

go get ’em Hank

atta boy Hank

copyright G.A. Miller

 

She’ll Be Comin’ Round The Mountain (Traditional)

Go See Cal ( Copyright by Cal Worthington )

Everglades Inn Waltz

I died and went to hell, now I’m rocking the Everglades Inn

the ice machine’s busted as a gator tries to bite my shins

he misses and says  “aw, shucks,”  he says “my friends call me Chuck”

I’m rocking the Everglades Inn, paying for my sins

I play in the lounge every night down here in hell

there’s never a crowd, it’s always me and the bartender Mel

sometimes Mel’s Aunt Gertie drops by about ten thirty

I’m rocking the Everglades Inn, gonna be here a spell

Gertie, she hollers  “hey G.A. play Free Bird”

I say I don’t know it, I don’t know the tune or the words

her first husband got shot, the second ate poison she bought

I’m rocking the Everglades Inn, gonna be Gertie’s third

Mel’s name was Adolph, he changed it after the war

Gert wears that Muu Muu she bought at the Salvation Store

Chuck the gator crawls in, orders a warm Heineken

I’m rocking the Everglades Inn, I goofed up for shor

six a.m. in my room and the Gideon’s weeping

the tv’s down low and the Roadrunner is meeping…meep, meep

Gertie saws a few logs, the roaches are big as dogs

I’m rockin the Everglades Inn, “house-keeping”

I slip on my jeans and I put on my shades

I open the door for the barefoot clean-up maid

“buenos dias Imelda, watch out for old Chuck back there”

I’m rocking the Everglades Inn, hey look, pink Flamingos

I’m rocking the Everglades Inn, freaking pink Flamingos

copyright G.A. Miller

(No animals were harmed during the making of this song)