Archive for December, 2013

009GAM

 

Please Turn Down the Bass

we’re at a sidewalk cafe / my friend the ear doctor and I

a little car with monster speakers / booms and thumps on by

the good doctor grabs the tab / says  “kids like that one there

are jam-packed into my waiting room / now I’m a millionaire”

(chorus) please turn down the bass / please turn down the bass

Jesus Christ / please turn down the bass

I go home to my apartment / time for my daily nap

suddenly my next door neighbors / are cranking up some rap

the apartment walls are shaking / books belly-flop from the case

Dave Barry’s in the aquarium / bubbles shooting out of his face (repeat chorus)

I have a recurring nightmare / I’m over at symphony hall

I’m looking at two big speakers / both about 90 feet tall

then I scan the orchestra / and here’s where it gets bizarre

in their fancy gowns and tuxedos / they’re all holding bass guitars (repeat chorus)

copyright – G.A. Miller

further blue journeys of old fart

Posted: December 27, 2013 by gamillerlasvegas in old fart's art
Tags: , ,

017GAM

The Drunkest Woman in Terrible’s* 

she mumbles something about barbecues / as the yachts on the big-screen harbor-cruise

and some ditto-head clown two bar-stools down / pontificates his snail-darter views

she’s the drunkest woman in Terribles / but her cut-offs make that burden bearable

drunk she is stinkin’ but she’s got me thinkin’ / my broken heart is repairable

by the drunkest woman in Terrible’s

the slots yowl like 94 monkeys / her legs are neither too thin nor chunky

gravity calls, from her bar-stool she falls / but she’s not just another Coors junkie

she’s the drunkest woman in Terrible’s / but her long legs make that burden bearable

she says she’s from Lincoln but she’s got me thinkin’ / my broken heart is repairable

by the drunkest woman in Terrible’s

we’re two lost fortune wheel spinners / time to get a decent meal in ‘er

prime rib and wine, $9.99 / God we’re a pair of real winners

she’s my new love right here in Terrible’s / gonna buy her a ring she finds wearable

we’ll get married by an Elvis named Larry / get a cottage that’s cozily share-able

me and the drunkest woman in Terrible’s

she’s the drunkest woman in Terrible’s

*Las Vegas casino at Paradise and Flamingo

copyright – G.A. Miller

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2002

Salt Lake City gonna have an Olympics / in the year 2002

gonna rent my house out to some Austrians / ten thousand bucks for the week will do

Salt Lake City gonna have an Olympics / wish I owned  a laundromat

fifty bucks a load and a small box of soap / only Democrats would be against that

Salt Lake City’s gonna have an Olympics / yeah, them wonderful winter games

gonna need to hire some extra security / maybe we can get Tanya what’s her name

Salt Lake City gonna have an Olympics / I stay calm behind the wheel

we’re gonna get us a brand new freeway / a few extra wrecks is no big deal

yahoo yahoo 2002 / yahoo yahoo 2002

Salt Lake City’s gonna have an Olympics / God’s on our side, He’ll clean the air

we can take the homeless / and cram ’em  in boxcars / ship them off to a camp somewhere

Salt Lake City’s gonna have an Olympics / Olympics are just fine by me

of course, with my house rented out to Austrians / I’ll be catching rays in Waikiki

aloha

copyright – G.A. Miller

photo by Karen Stockert

1/23

Posted: December 21, 2013 by gamillerlasvegas in old fart's art
Tags: , , , ,

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Beer and Loafing in Las Vegas

loafing on my balcony / Spanish rooftops, tall palm trees

it’s hotter than my favorite Osmond, Marie / crack another cold one, feel the breeze

beer and loafing in Las Vegas

got my handy, humble cooler / buncha duct tape styrofoam

monorail zips over to the Strip / think I’ll just loaf here safe at home

beer and loafing in Las Vegas

ladies if you’re looking for a champion loafer / drop on by my place

please stop at Speedie Mart on your way / we may need another case

loafing on my balcony / poolside ladies, bikinis

it’s hotter than Carrot Top’s Maserati / I bought these binoculars at Chumlee’s

beer and loafing in Las Vegas

copyright – G.A. Miller

Happy Holidays to Elmore Griff and the Barking Spiders!

Armadillo Olympics

well I’m cruisin’ down old Georgia way / in my Econoline

doin’ a hundred and ninety-nine / I gotta get there on time

headin’ for a glorious event / it’s my favorite time of the year

headin’ for the Armadillo Olympics / sheddin’ these joyful tears

(chorus) Armadillo Olympics / got to get a box seat

can of Billy Beer,*  listen to me cheer / my life is complete 

well they catch a messa ‘dillos and they stick ’em in trunks / put numbers on their backs

they line ’em up and they let ’em loose / off they run around the track

they got swimmin’ and the high hurdles / and a slidin’ broad-jump too

we watch them ‘dillos match their skills / then we toss ’em in the barbecue (repeat chorus)

munchin’ down on a ‘dillo-burger / it tastes a lot like bacon

Gold Medal winners make the best eatin’ / if I’m not mistaken

‘course if you’re a vegetarian / you will not like this song

you will not like the Armadillo Olympics / so stay home where you belong (repeat chorus)

*Billy Beer was brewed by President Jimmy Carter’s brother Billy. The story goes that Jimmy drank a little too much of it, which is how he got whupped by Ronald Reagan, who only drank Shirley Temples.

copyright – G.A. Miller

photo by Lizzie Miller